Title: Colors of Music
Size: 4 ft x 3 ft Medium: Oil on Canvas Date: April 2022 |
Exhibition TextColors of Music is a self portrait created on a personally-made canvas with oil paint. In this project, I was exploring realistic and impasto techniques, the latter inspired by Vincent Van Gogh. I found my inspiration in Van Gogh's Self Portrait as a Painter (1887) and Self Portrait with Gray Felt Hat (1887). What I implemented into my work was the ways in which he combined colors and texture into his paintings. My intention going into this project was to portray myself and my feelings around music and a visual representation of my love for playing cello.
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Inspiration
My inspiration comes from Vincent Van Gogh. Over winter break, I went and saw the Beyond Van Gogh exhibit in my hometown. It was an absolutely beautiful experience that I believe had a large impact on my perception of art and color as a whole. Van Gogh's art and the way that he experienced it, coupled with his mental health issues, struck me as somewhat of a reflection of myself. I felt very connected to the excerpts from his quotes and letters and art. I was driven near to tears during the final section of the show because I felt like I was surrounded by pure beauty. It definitely rekindled my love for art, as I had been feeling rather burnt out, and made me see art as less mechanical and based more upon feeling. My paintings didn't need to be exact-they were supposed to be a representation of an image and an emotion. This is a concept I bring up many times throughout the process, and came from a quote in the show, "Two things that remain eternally try and complement each other, in my view are: don't snuff out your inspiration and power of imagination, don't become a slave to the model; and the other, take a model and study it, for otherwise your inspiration won't take on material form." (Van Gogh, 1882). I also draw inspiration from his words, "...find things beautiful as much as you can, most people find too little beautiful." (Van Gogh, 1874). This, coupled with a passage from the show, really set up a frame of mind and intention I had about my work and highlighted a new perspective about art as a whole.
"Without the means to pay for the service of models, Van Gogh resolved to paint himself and those around him. He considered portraits as one of the highest forms of art and aspired to be a portraitist. While his first portraits show his models in their own setting, expressing their individuality, his later portraits seem to aim for something more essential. Under the brush, his friends and acquaintances became something more than themselves: they became archetypes. Set in front of patterned or one-colored backdrops, impossible to situate, they became the mirror into which one could project oneself. To experience his work is to gaze into humanity itself." (Beyond Van Gogh, 2022).
"Without the means to pay for the service of models, Van Gogh resolved to paint himself and those around him. He considered portraits as one of the highest forms of art and aspired to be a portraitist. While his first portraits show his models in their own setting, expressing their individuality, his later portraits seem to aim for something more essential. Under the brush, his friends and acquaintances became something more than themselves: they became archetypes. Set in front of patterned or one-colored backdrops, impossible to situate, they became the mirror into which one could project oneself. To experience his work is to gaze into humanity itself." (Beyond Van Gogh, 2022).
Van Gogh's work is infamous within the art community for the discoveries and connections he made between color and movement. He work would be celebrated by expressionists for years after his death, and to this day he remains one of the greatest painters of all time. His self portraits, which he used as practice when he couldn't afford models, also portray his journey as an artist and as a person. Aspects of his personality and thought come through in his expression, movement of the brushstrokes, color, and more. At times, he even portrayed his declining mental health. What Van Gogh's portraits set up is a window into himself, the artist, and I hope to accomplish this as well through different painting techniques.
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Planning and Experimentation
After deciding on the self portrait, I went to my sketchbook and tried to think of a way that I could paint myself that also portrayed my personality, thoughts, or another aspect of myself in an artistic way. When I made a list of things I felt encapsulated parts of my identity, one of the things that stuck out to me was music. And, since I had already decided that my inspiration would come from some of Van Gogh's portraits, all I had to do was come up with a design that could combine both of those elements in a way that properly portrayed myself and Van Gogh's influence. I went to my sketchbook and started playing around with positioning and what kind of figure I wanted on my canvas. Right off the bat, I wanted a horizontal portrait, so the designs were primarily upright. At the end of the day, I knew I could only do so much sketching before I would have to get up and get a proper reference with a photograph. With somewhat of an idea about what I wanted it to look like, I set up my phone on my piano stand and set timer for a couple photos. I also tried placing my phone around the room on portrait mode so that I could have both my hands on the cello and not have it look as though I was taking a selfie.
For a long time, I've struggled with both body dysmorphia and dysphoria, and it's easy to think negatively about my appearance. This was why I put this project off for so long-I was avoiding having to paint myself. Painting a stranger isn't personal, but painting yourself is. Lately, however, I feel like my brain is beginning to develop more like an artists. I find the artistic value in things around me, however small. With this kind of mentality, I've been able to find things about myself that I like. For example, I used to hate my nose, but now I enjoy the arch in my dorsum. Having a higher nose bridge is a family trait from my father's side and I feel like it makes my look more interesting. Another thing I like is my eye color, though not the shape. It is hazel, with a mix of greens, browns, grays, and gold. Depending on the light, they change color. I feel like these two features that I enjoy about myself are a distinguished part of my appearance. Because of this, I wanted at least one of these features to be a highlight or focus in the piece.
An important part of this piece was to have intention going in and emotion coming out. For me, this means using my art to portray my thoughts, feelings, and represent something important to me. And, in the end, I settled on my music. A large part of my mother's side is very musical, from singers to musicians, and I feel as though both my sister and I have inherited an innate family love for music. When I was 9, I picked up my first cello. It was at a school open house and led by a music store and local high school had various instruments for kids to try, as well as lessons and a group orchestra program. I was drawn to the cello, and later that night my dad pulled up a couple of music videos for me to watch. Ironically, one was "Le Cygne" by Camille Saint-Saens, played by Yo-Yo Ma, and the other was the 2 Cellos music video of "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC. And just like that, I knew exactly what I wanted to play. As I'm writing this, I'm 17, and I've been playing cello for almost a decade. I started out pretty slow-and some of my classmates, who also chose the cello, quickly surpassed me. However, with time and dedication, I soon was auditioning for the Milwaukee Youth Symphony Orchestra, was in the advanced group at my school program, a trio/quartet, and was doing solo performances. Music brought me a happiness on a level I have yet to find anywhere else. During live concerts there's a thrill and fire in my veins and I feel like I'm encapsulated in a tiny world made entirely of sound. I tell a story, make the audience feel the emotion of the piece, and allow myself to and I feel like it's become an integral part to who I am as a person. During a performance, I enter a headspace that's difficult to describe. It's like I'm aware of everything but also hyper fixated on a few key details: the movements of the conductor, the strings against my fingers and pressure on my bow hand, the vibrations against my chest and thighs, the way the light shines on my music. I can feel the audience's eyes on me, and yet they are far away and cannot break through the bubble I reside in. My feels like it beats in time with the music and my breathing follows the flow of the notes. I become the music in that special moment, and I feel like I'm soaring. It's truly magical and one of the best things I think a human can experience. I wanted to share some of that intimacy created in a musical space, to show my passion and love for this instrument. And while I've taught myself others (such as ukulele, bass, guitar, piano, and the mandolin), the cello will always hold my heart. I feel like people tend to lean towards one side or the other-art or music. As someone who loves both, I don't think the two have to be mutually exclusive. They're not so distant as one may think. Both are universal languages that can transcend time and borders, connect people and evoke thought and emotion. And both can be stunning and significant in their own right. Art and music help demonstrate what makes the human species special. We are creative creatures that use various tools to please ourselves and others. Additionally, there is a similar relationship between the art and the artist, the music and the musician. If I give my cello my time, effort, and thought, I am rewarded with beautiful, refined musical skill. The same goes for art. By practicing, giving the materials time and attention and care, I can create something that speaks to people and opens a window to my own soul.
Process
The first step in my process was done by building a 3x3 foot frame in my art classroom, as this was the minimum required size for the self portrait. However, after completing the canvas, I realized that I wanted to make it bigger in order to challenge myself, so I scrapped it and started over again. First, I put together two 3 foot and two 4 foot frame pieces together and used a staple gun and hammer to make sure they were straight and wouldn't shift out of position. Next, I cut out a large section from a canvas roll, brought back the staple gun, and stretched the canvas over the frame. It was difficult to get such a large piece taunt, but with a lot of adjustments and sore fingers, I was able to get it to an acceptable tightness. I then put a layer of gesso over the canvas, and once it dried, a second coat to ensure that it would be smooth and solid for the painting process. An interesting thing is is that I was planning on doing this project back in January, for Project One, but sort of avoided such a large project and kept putting it off. Thus, it sat in my basement for a while before I got the courage to take it on.
I decided that I wanted to base my project off of a recent photo reference of myself. Since I have very little selfies/portraits of myself, as I hate taking photos, I needed to photograph myself. The first time, I decided to wear something nice, set a timer on my phone, and take a ton of photos and pick which one I liked the best. I tried different rooms/lightings, positions, etc. The following gallery of photos are some of the finalists picked out (this was before I had fully committed to adding the cello). As demonstrated in the photos I took, there's at least a small focus on my nose in some of the pictures.
After reviewing the photos, I still felt a little dissatisfied with how they turned out and decided to try again. I put on a similar outfit (same pants, different shirt but same color) and took more. I had really enjoyed how the cello portrait had turned out, and with the combination of my intentions I felt it best to continue in the direction of focusing on music in the piece. Thus, my next set of photos included the cello. Most of them were from a little further away so that I could encapsulate more of my cello. The picture to the left was the finalist, as I liked how I could see the arch in my nose, most of the cello, and it seemed proportionate. I also liked the lighting in the photo, and overall, I felt it would be easy to translate to the size and ratio of my canvas.
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The next part of my process was to edit the photo. I considered this step to be included in the experimentation and planning, as I had to play around and find what suited my intentions best. I downloaded the photo onto Procreate, cropped the photo in accordance to a grid that matched the size of my canvas, and added a layer over the original photo. I've been trying to experiment more with digital art and found this to be a perfect opportunity to combine physical art with digital, so I made my planning sketch on an iPad. I added some filters, changed opacities, and included more layers with color on them to make the piece more dramatic. Considering my idea of music "bringing life" to my world, I had to make the areas around the cello a gray tone. I selected and erased the gray over the cello and bow, keeping myself and the background with the gray.
From this point on, I had gotten color in almost every section of the canvas, and I began to refine and detail the work. As shown below, I added more tones of red, brown, and orange to the sienna base coat on my cello. As I mentioned earlier, I felt a little disconnected with the color change. I noticed myself trying to make it lighter and more orange to reflect my actual cello, but then I would look at the reference and find that I had made it too light. The back-and-forth effect left me frustrated, and eventually I decided that I didn't have to directly correlate my painting to the reference and that it was okay if my brain decided that certain parts should look a different way. As long as I had the basic shadows and highlights, it would look alright.
I also started turning my attention to parts of my shirt. Early on I decided to allow more brown tones into the grays of my skin, then more blues into my shirt in order to differentiate the gray values better. I was a lot less stringent with the accuracy of the shirt. It's very flowy and light, so I was okay if I strayed a little from the source material. I kept reminding myself. What will be, will be-let your brush and gut guide your hand and it will turn out alright. I tried to apply this mindset because I know I have a tendency to scrutinize and overanalyze everything I do, especially when it comes to art. I wanted to free myself from the constraints I put on and really allow this work to be expressive. That said, I still wanted a sense of reality to be imbedded with the creative outlet of Van Gogh's influence.
To keep myself from getting bored or too sucked into one part of the piece, I shifted my attention to making my pant leg. I slowly added layers and layers of the grays, whites, and blacks, using gentle blending to make it look as smooth and realistic as possible-putting darks in areas of shadowed folds and using lines of lighter shades to show the highlights in the fabric. I had to use a lot of patience, but I found the process of painting the pants very relaxing and therapeutic in nature. It was fun to try and make it look like a real pant leg with the appearance of natural lighting.
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Throughout my process, the painting felt like it was continuously changing. Because I moved so sporadically around the work, different sections would slowly be altered, I'd move onto another, and the process would repeat. I went back over areas I had previous thought were good enough, tweaking things slightly or changing my mind. A lot of times, I repeated a mantra of letting the painting taking the direction that it wanted to go-as is with artistic expression. Letting myself become looser was a blessing and a curse, as I maintained a perfectionist part of myself while trying to allow myself to explore and experiment. This is only my second oil painting after all, and a challenging one at that. I caught myself, every once and a while, getting too engrossed in a tiny section of the work while neglecting other parts that would contribute to making it a whole entity.
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There was a point in the process when I began to get very frustrated with the features of my hands and face. I couldn't get the colors to match my skin tone, and I felt like the proportions didn't reflect on the appearance of my actual face. I understand that features and hands are very difficult, but I couldn't seem to get it right after hours of work. So, I "went back to the drawing board". Rather, I took my thinnest brush and made guidelines, redefining the most prominent parts, the darkest shadows, and contours. This helped a lot in resetting the painting and myself mentally.
Once I'd laid out my forms on a more basic level, I began to work up again, shading and blending to continue the realistic approach to this section of the piece. I was feeling more confident again about my ability to paint and refocused myself to just do my best to make something beautiful. I figured that if I could create at least one part of the artwork that I liked and could be proud of, I'd be a lot more content with the project. For this, I turned my attention back to the cello. It was easier to paint than my skin and I felt happier in making it, most likely due to the personal connection I have to the object. I used more brown and dark red tones to make more shadows, fixing up areas so it better matched my source material and smoothing out sections that I felt fell a bit flat. I felt like it was coming along very well, and once the bottom section of the cello was dry, I moved onto the part of the piece that drew influence from Van Gogh. I thought it would be a good idea to start with a bit of a base coat of colors so that the hues could really come forward in the top layers. I knew I wanted the paint on top to be thick and textured, but I used this as a bit of a safety. In all honesty, I realized how stupid it was to make a lot of effort on the lower half of the cello, as it was going to be covered up anyway, and I mourned the lost time I had created.
After a little bit, I began to implement Van Gogh's techniques, using a variety of colors that I had made and some in an impasto method, adding and partially blending with small strokes of my brush. Though it pained the part of me that wanted to save as much paint as possible, I worked on adding more to create a 3-D like texture on the canvas. I feel like the it looks very chaotic and is lacking in the wholeness that comes with Van Gogh's work, but I was okay with the wild array of colors because I feel it represents all of the different ways the cello can sound (perfectly reminiscent of the first performances of the cello I heard).
At one point during the summer of 2022, I decided that I wasn't satisfied with where I had left the piece back at the end of winter. The work didn't feel complete, and there were definitely some "off" sections that I had left alone due to my time crunch. Essentially, I worked over the final details I had assumed were unnecessary in order to get the work in on time, but with my open schedule I was able to put that time to use and make final adjustments on the work.
Critique
A large portion of my painting differs from Van Gogh's work. This is most notable in my use of realism for the majority of the piece. Furthermore, both portraits are of the upper half of Van Gogh's torso, while mine travels all the way down to the shin and is reflected by the lower angle in camera. The movement of his pieces are central to the figure, whilst the flow of impasto splays in every direction. The colors are also not unified within a certain palette. Both inspirations have lighter colors and overall have a brighter vibe, contrasted by the plain gray background of my painting. Additionally, while the mediums used were the same, my work takes on a different quality and has less visible texture. My expressionist section of the "sound" is also closer together, not in a single or few repetitive direction. The emphasis in my piece is definitely at the lower half, contrasted by himself as the main centerpiece. He does this by having a light or dark colored background, contrasted by a light or dark outfit/his skin. Finally, I am actively doing something, whereas Van Gogh portrays himself as a stationary, more traditional portraiture.
Reflection
I feel like this project has challenged me most mentally so far this year. I had a hard time painting myself-it was far too personal and with my self-doubt about my abilities, I found it difficult to persevere. So despite finding the act of painting therapeutic and loving how it was an outlet for my artistic energy. I feel like the project definitely improved me as an artist, specifically in the field of oil painting. It was the largest painting I've done that wasn't as part of a mural. I also had to apply more advanced techniques to keep the painting proportionate and to add the details of my reference photos. I had to be patient with the painting and continuously remind myself to not get into my head too much. I even had family members occasionally come up and tell me to relax. I had a lot of mixed emotions about this project, but overall I'm glad that I did it. I feel like I learned a lot about myself, my artistic abilities, new painting techniques, and the types of mindsets I need to focus on if I want to continue to pursue art successfully.
Connection to the ACT
Clearly explain how you are able to identify the cause effect relationship between your inspiration and its effect on your artwork?
My inspiration caused me to branch out in a different direction of painting than I have done in the past and challenged me to be more expressive in my work, due to the style of painting and the fact that it was a self-portrait.
What is the overall approach the author has regarding the topic of your inspiration?
My overall approach to my inspiration was to evoke the kind of emotion and wonder found in Van Gogh's pieces and to use his words as a reminder to my purpose.
What kind of generalizations and conclusions have you discovered about people, ideas, culture, etc. while you researched your topic?
I had to make generalizations about the ways that Van Gogh's works were interpreted and how certain aspects of it could create a certain event. I found just how prevalent Van Gogh has been to the art community and the general public, and realized his impact on the world of color and motion.
What is the central idea or theme around your inspirational research?.
The central theme I followed was the purpose and mindset of Vincent Van Gogh as he completed his self portraits, as well as his intentions and execution.
What kind of inferences did you make while reading your research?
While reading my research, I made inferences about the meaning behind some of Van Gogh's portraits and how he was able to put together masterpieces.
My inspiration caused me to branch out in a different direction of painting than I have done in the past and challenged me to be more expressive in my work, due to the style of painting and the fact that it was a self-portrait.
What is the overall approach the author has regarding the topic of your inspiration?
My overall approach to my inspiration was to evoke the kind of emotion and wonder found in Van Gogh's pieces and to use his words as a reminder to my purpose.
What kind of generalizations and conclusions have you discovered about people, ideas, culture, etc. while you researched your topic?
I had to make generalizations about the ways that Van Gogh's works were interpreted and how certain aspects of it could create a certain event. I found just how prevalent Van Gogh has been to the art community and the general public, and realized his impact on the world of color and motion.
What is the central idea or theme around your inspirational research?.
The central theme I followed was the purpose and mindset of Vincent Van Gogh as he completed his self portraits, as well as his intentions and execution.
What kind of inferences did you make while reading your research?
While reading my research, I made inferences about the meaning behind some of Van Gogh's portraits and how he was able to put together masterpieces.