Title: Left or Right
Materials: Canon digital camera, adobe Photoshop, digital manipulation Size: 24 x 36 inches Date: November 2021 |
Exhibition Text
"Left or Right" is a piece using technology and digital editing tools in order to demonstrate my struggles with my gender identity and sexual orientation. I was inspired by Frida Kahlo and her two portraits, "The Two Fridas" and "Self Portrait with Cropped Hair". I wanted to portray the way that I felt unable to identify as a girl or boy and my inability to prefer one gender for partners. This was all done through the adobe photoshop app on laptop with pictures I took from a Canon digital camera. |
Artist Investigation
The artist that I found inspiration in for my piece, "Left or Right", was Frida Kahlo, a Mexican painter. She was born in 1907 and passed away in 1954, shortly after her birthday. Frida Kahlo lead a tumultuous life, filled with pain and suffering. Frida often depicted this in her paintings, along with elements of nature, her indigenous and Mexican culture, and feminist themes. I wanted to take her extremely personal, passionate, and reflective elements into my own artwork. Frida's paintings were often bold, vibrant, and filled with color. She had a distinctive style of painting, most often using herself for her own subject matter. Frida Kahlo channeled both her physical and emotional pain into her artwork, filling them with emotion and storytelling. I tried to follow her lead in this with my own work this time, with a somewhat similar layout. The first piece of hers that I took inspiration from was "The Two Fridas" (Kahlo, 1939). In this piece, Frida depicts herself as a double-one side wearing a white European dress, the other in a traditional Tehuana costume. They are connected by their interlocked hands and veins from her hearts. She made this shortly after her divorce from her husband, Diego Rivera. They had a turbulent romance, getting married and divorced and married again. They each had affairs, but kept going back to each other again. After their separation the first time, Frida was heartbroken. This can be seen in the broken heart painted inside her in the Tehuana dress. Rivera adored her in the traditional dresses, so it is representational of the woman she is trying to leave behind. The other, in contrast, is more modern and independent of men. The connected hearts show the relation she still feels to each side. The painting shows an excellent example of balance. Neither side is too heavy or too light, and each draw attention to create a sense of wholeness in the piece. Frida Kahlo also used balance in her use of color in the piece. Her use of bold blues and green on the dress one the right and gentle white on the left dress create a contrast to the slightly faded out background. Finally, their interlocked hands and literal heartstrings tie the painting together. The second painting that I used for inspiration was "Self Portrait with Cropped Hair" (Kahlo, 1940). Also a painting regarding her divorce to Diego Rivera, Frida painted this piece. In it, she abandons her femininity by cutting off her hair. She also replaced her beautiful dresses that Rivera loved so much with an oversized man's suit. She is cutting a part of herself off, the excess locks scattered around her. Song lyrics about love and heartbreak are scrawled above in the light background. Frida was trying to let go of her past and her feelings for Rivera in this piece, disconnecting herself from the role of wife and into her own person. In the portrait, she used more muted colors, with heavily contrasted ground and sky. There is lots of empty space around her, save for the scattering go hair around her. I wanted to portray myself from a first-person view as I look onto myself, as well as using the unity in the portrait of her two selves.
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The Two Fridas 1939 Frida Kahlo (below)
Self Portrait With Cropped Hair Frida Kahlo 1940 (below)
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Planning
My planning began by laying out some of the thoughts, ideas, and concepts that I wanted to incorporate into my project. I had a vague idea surrounding that of identity, and upon researching artists that dealt with identity I came across Frida Kahlo. Deciding that I wanted to derive my inspiration from her works, I began to formulate my ideas onto paper in a way that related back to Frida Kahlo. The first thing that I did was really pinpoint what themes I wanted to convey through the digital collage, settling on a piece relating my own relationships and identity and researching the works of Frida Kahlo. At this point, I also began developing my personal essay to go along with the piece, which really settled the direction I was going to take things in. This can be shown in the two photographs of my process journal below, in which I printed out pictures, did research, and explained my personal connection to Frida Kahlo. I find that I am able to create artwork more efficiently when I explore ideas through writing, which is what the second page (photo on right) is for. In summary, I wanted to delve into the realizations that I had during quarantine related to my identity. Following an identity crisis and feelings of imposter syndrome, I came across several posts on different social media platforms (mainly Tiktok) regarding the LGBTQIA+ community. Prior to that year, I had been an adamant ally of the community and supported them openly, and from a young age I kept myself open to the idea that I might one day be a part of that community. However, I don't think truly understood what actually becoming a part of that community meant, emotionally. Over the course of about four months, I realized that I was pansexual, and then nonbinary. These didn't come easy, or simple. I went back and forth, doubting and researching and questioning again and again. It weighed heavily on my mind, so much so that my parents noticed. I wondered about what that meant for myself, moving forward, and how these had always been true. It was an epiphany or sorts, and I was able to connect these identities to other problems I had experienced for years.
With all of this laid out, I thought about how I could bring all of this back to Frida Kahlo and the two pieces I had selected. The first of this came to "Self Portrait with Cropped Hair", in which I related it back to the time last year when I had impulsively, on a whim, taken a pair of scissors and eventually and electric razor to my waist-length hair. In this, I was abandoning my femininity, desperate for androgyny, like how Frida depicted herself with her hair cut to symbolize cutting herself off from Diego Rivera. Similarly, her wardrobe choice of a suit to replace her traditional dresses came back to shifts in the way I began to dress.
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As for my second piece of inspiration, "The Two Fridas", I decided that I liked the idea of two separate personalities/identities. Only, instead of them being meant to represent more of a "before or after" concept, I wanted to characterize a dichotomy of the "warring" sides I feel within me still, even after months of acceptance. This would count for both my sexuality and my gender identity, which challenge binaries and societal norms, since I feel pressure from society to "pick one or the other", when I am all and neither. "The Two Fridas" feels sad, and they are still connected (through their clasped hands and shared heartstrings) but I wanted to portray something more divided, which is where I begin to go in my own direction.
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The next step I had to take was more research, this time about photography. I looked up the differences between photographing men and women and the distinct way certain poses could convey gendered style (such as the women being slim, curvy, and almost overly feminine). This can be seen in the picture to the right. I was going to take the format of "The Two Fridas", making two figures, with one being masculine presenting and the other being feminine presenting. This would represent the way that I am attracted to men and women (and every other gender identity) and the way I feel pressure to exist within gender binaries when I fall into neither. I feel caught between the roles of gender constructs and the way that people perceive me. For example, I crave androgyny the majority of the time. But I also still like makeup. And while I am aware that clothing and makeup don't belong to a particular gender, initial perceptions from people around me will place me into categories that I don't belong in. That is where the two sides come in.
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My essay is available below for a more in-depth look at my personal struggles with gender and sexuality
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The three excerpts from my process journal above were also part of the planning stage. While some aren't pictured, I also experimented drawing feminine and masculine poses based on real models and my own knowledge of anatomy. This stage was mostly about ironing out the finer details of what I was going to do for my final product, such as what direction the characters were going to face, lighting, background, and more. I went through my wardrobe and my parents', looking for clothes that I could wear for the two characters. At this point, I also reflected a little bit. By wearing one of my mother's old dresses from her twenties, I was incorporating a part of my heritage into my piece, as Frida often did (in my selected pieces, her use of traditional dresses). I prepared myself for taking photos and editing them next.
Process/Experimentation
The first thing that I did was set up my sister's digital camera and set it to a timed photograph. I changed into the suit/male outfit and began taking photos, mimicking the various poses that I had seen while researching how people photographed men. I changed, then repeated the process. Later that night, however, as I went back over the photographs, I was not happy with the outcome. So, the next day, I retook them. However, after taking a few in a different area of the room and at a different time of day, I realized that the lighting and distance wasn't very good in the room I had chosen (I originally did it because it had lots of natural light from windows, but the fading sun created shadows I didn't like.
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I made the decision to move to a different room, which had less lighting so I turned the flash on. The background of gray-green and the gray couch ended up fitting better, in my opinion, and I felt I had more room as far as overall spacing in the photo. Once again, I experimented with different poses, keeping the camera at the same distance on the tripod with the timer. Once I felt I had gathered enough, going back through them and deciding that enough of them were decent candidates for the final piece, I changed into the next outfit. The dress I had chosen, however, was far too low cut for my own comfort and for what I felt was appropriate for a school project (this was my mother's dress), so I changed again. I also applied some makeup and changed my hair slightly, so that I could create more separation between the two characters. The photos below showcase some of the final choices. The masculine picture on the right ended up being in my final piece, though I chose a different photo for the feminine one because I felt that it didn't completely align (the camera is angled more than the masculine one, which is more direct).
Once I felt I had collected enough, I plugged the digital camera into our computer and uploaded them to my google drive. I scrolled through about thirty photos in all and picked a top few, then asked each of my family members for an outsider's perspective on which they felt were the best two photos (one of each). The majority agreed (as well as I) that the ones I ended up using were the most fitting together. I downloaded the images onto the computer's desktop. From there, I opened an online photoshop-esque website and began working. It had very similar tools to the photoshop I had experimented with at school, so I was able to use it fairly easily. However, several problems occurred. Firstly, viruses began popping up and I was forced to close it. After turning on a VPN, also switching to a laptop, I opened the website again and resumed working. But another problem arose. The program was using considerable energy and the laptop shut down the website three separate times and all my progress was deleted. I grew very frustrated and eventually gave up trying to use that specific platform. I was forced to use my own money to purchase adobe photoshop, which furthered my frustration with the project. I already am very uncomfortable with using technology and editing for art, as I am inexperienced in the medium. I much prefer physical art, and though I am not opposed to drawing online and am actually saving money to purchase and iPad and apple pen (for digital drawing and animation), I don't like editing. But I pushed through, first cropping the feminine figure out of the background using the lasso tool. I went in and refined the edge so that it was smoother, having to redo it once I realized I had forgotten the shadows. I then copied and pasted it onto the masculine version, transforming it to make it fit and match the size of the other figure. After some slight adjustments, I went in and placed a few filters of yellow shades to change the overall color of the peice (after going through other colors, I decided I liked those shades the best). I wondered if I should attempt to do further editing, but ultimately decided that simpler is sometimes better, and I didn't want to do something I didn't like and be unable to change it back on account of my inexperience and unfamiliarity with the program. besides, I was content with the piece before me- both aesthetically and relating back to my intentions for the artwork.
Critique
There are several similarities and differences between "Left or Right" and my inspiration pieces by Frida Kahlo. Firstly, "Self-Portrait with Cropped Hair" is mostly similar in concept, not composition. The two do not look alike aside from the fact that in both works, the subjects are seated. My art, I feel, draws more inspiration from the second one, "The Two Fridas". Composition-wise, they are made from different materials; Frida's with canvas and paint, mine with photographs and digital editing programs and technology. Furthermore, I feel that the emotion coming from each is very different, Frida's, fueled by heartbreak, emanates a sense of sadness and loss. I feel that mine has a slight sense of animosity and challenge between the two figures. In both, there are two distinct figures with different identities, features, and personalities that help to convey the ideas of different sides. Frida's colors are bright, the background and foreground simple but filled with minor details. My piece, after being edited, does have some warmth in the color from the filter I placed over it, though it lacks in the vibrance of Frida's paints. Also, the two figures feel like different people in my work, whereas Frida's feel like two sides of the same coin. In my work, direction is created by the straight lines of the top of the couch, connecting the two, as well as their glances towards each other, but the emphasis is still placed on the two seated figures in both, and they are equally balanced. Honestly, I would have liked to add more of a personalized style to the work, like how Frida has very distinct aspects, but I didn't want to overdo anything. In retrospect, I fell like it could have used perhaps one more component to make it feel more real and raw. The dress on the girl, particularly where her black dress is over the couch, it is extremely obvious that she was cut, copied, and pasted on top of the other photo. Also, I realized too late on that the couch does not sag underneath the weight of the girl, since she was pasted onto the side where I wasn't sitting. This further makes that side obviously edited, which decreases the value and realism of the piece.
Reflection
I felt, overall, content with this project. So far this year, I feel it has been my most successful, and I most proud of it out of the three total I have created. In my highly critical eye, in which I have had issues in creating art because I feel it is insignificant or unsatisfactory, I can say with honesty that I am happy with how it turned out. In my mind, it stands out on its own without explanation and tells the story that I originally wanted it to. "Left or Right" expresses my struggles with my sexuality and gender surprisingly well, while also being visually pleasant. I have become more comfortable on the platform of photoshop and this project has actually piqued my interest. I've always had a fond spot for photography and I feel like this could be a tool for me to edit photos in the future. At the very least, now that I've purchased it, I would like to get at least one more use out of it before I cancel my subscription, as I don't think I can afford to maintain the payments needed for photoshop and other adobe programs. I believe that, although very different mediums and with slightly different messages, I was able to connect my final product back to my inspirations from the amazing works of Frida Kahlo, while keeping my original intent.
Connection to ACT
Clearly explain how you are able to identify the cause effect relationship between your inspiration and its effect on your artwork?
I was able to identify the cause/effect relationship between my inspiration and my work in how I took the compositional elements of Frida Kahlo's work and incorporated it into my own. I was also able to take concepts of different identities and change it to match my own personal expression and intentions.
What is the overall approach the author has regarding the topic of your inspiration?
The overall approach comes from struggles with who we want to be and how we deal with emotion. For Frida, it was regarding her romantic life, while mine centered around my struggles to properly express my identity against the standards society has built for me.
What kind of generalizations and conclusions have you discovered about people, ideas, culture, etc. while you researched your inspiration?
Some generalizations/conclusions that I have come to is that I don't think I'll ever be able to fully escape the conflict I feel about myself, though our society is changing. At the end of the day, I don't have total control about how people perceive me and there's only so much I can do to alter that perception. I think this will be a life-long journey of self-discovery that will help me to identify who I am and my role in this world.
What is the central idea or theme around your inspirational research?
The central idea/theme around my inspirational research is identity and love. Things change easily-life is fluid, and we shouldn't constrain ourselves when we can grow.
What kind of inferences did you make while reading your research?
I made the inference that color and positioning can tell a story just as easily as words, with hidden messages that require reflection and critical thinking.
Bibliography:
"The Two Fridas" (Frida Kahlo, 1939) https://www.fridakahlo.org/the-two-fridas.jsp
"Self Portrait with Cropped Hair" (Frida Kahlo, 1940) https://www.moma.org/collection/works/78333
I was able to identify the cause/effect relationship between my inspiration and my work in how I took the compositional elements of Frida Kahlo's work and incorporated it into my own. I was also able to take concepts of different identities and change it to match my own personal expression and intentions.
What is the overall approach the author has regarding the topic of your inspiration?
The overall approach comes from struggles with who we want to be and how we deal with emotion. For Frida, it was regarding her romantic life, while mine centered around my struggles to properly express my identity against the standards society has built for me.
What kind of generalizations and conclusions have you discovered about people, ideas, culture, etc. while you researched your inspiration?
Some generalizations/conclusions that I have come to is that I don't think I'll ever be able to fully escape the conflict I feel about myself, though our society is changing. At the end of the day, I don't have total control about how people perceive me and there's only so much I can do to alter that perception. I think this will be a life-long journey of self-discovery that will help me to identify who I am and my role in this world.
What is the central idea or theme around your inspirational research?
The central idea/theme around my inspirational research is identity and love. Things change easily-life is fluid, and we shouldn't constrain ourselves when we can grow.
What kind of inferences did you make while reading your research?
I made the inference that color and positioning can tell a story just as easily as words, with hidden messages that require reflection and critical thinking.
Bibliography:
"The Two Fridas" (Frida Kahlo, 1939) https://www.fridakahlo.org/the-two-fridas.jsp
"Self Portrait with Cropped Hair" (Frida Kahlo, 1940) https://www.moma.org/collection/works/78333